Just Hold Me
by chelsaboolove
Summary: Elena is scared. Silas is on the loose terrorizing her friends and trying to get the veil lifted from the other side, which could result in everyone's deaths. Elena ponders why she's so scared and figures it's now or never for her to face those demons. One-shot, rated T for language. Elena is OOC-I feel like I'm better writing Damon.


**A/N: Hi, everyone! For those of you that follow me, I know you're waiting patiently for another EIL update. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about it! This actually was inspired by a dream I had. I hope you guys enjoy this. I was blown away by how vivid the dream was, and I hope I can depict that in this little one-shot. It's all in Elena's POV. Anyway, please read and review! (also I can't remember much about the Silas plot so I'm sorry in advance if I make mistakes)**

* * *

Okay, I admit it: I'm fucking terrified.

I really shouldn't be. Compared to everything else that's happened in my life, I should be used to near-death experiences. I should be used to feeling like everything is going to end, and it's the end of the world.

Except before, that was only metaphorically speaking. _My_ world was ending. Not everyone else's, too. This time we're about to have a full blown technically zombie apocalypse. A shit ton of angry, vengeful people from the Other Side are about to walk with the rest of us and... In blunt terms, fuck a lot of shit up.

The mastermind behind our latest end-of-the-world charade is Silas, a centuries old guy who wants to avenge his wife or something. Silas is scary, to put it lightly. He morphs into people you know and love, and he gets into your head. You would never guess it wasn't the person you trust, until he lets his guard down and lets you know everything you've said and done with him around has been a lie, and you're mortified. You're literally frozen with fear. There is nothing worse than looking someone in the face that you love, letting your guard down for them, and then realizing they aren't that person and you just showed them your biggest weakness.

It really makes you think about the people you love, and how and why you trust them.

I'm outside somewhere a few towns over, sitting in a bar drinking some bourbon. I was feeling very Damon-esque, and needed to get away from a while and just have a drink. Shit has truly hit the fan. Damon, Stefan and Matt forced me to turn my emotions back on in the midst of all of this stuff happening. Bonnie joined the dark side and went coo-coo crazy and helped kill twelve more people for Silas. If that's not enough, she returns to the land of the normal and realizes what she's been doing and turns against the most powerful being on the planet currently, and now he's really, really mad.

So mad that he harassed Caroline by pretending to be Klaus (which really riled Caroline up, but she won't tell anyone specifically why. Damon would say it has something to do with her secret bad-boy fetish) and then pretended to be her Mom, and when he was done doing that? He walks away and Caroline's Mom is on the brink of death.

Apparently he's threatening Bonnie's closest friends and relatives until he gets what he wants. One of those things is the Cure, which coincidentally, Damon and Stefan have been trying to get for me. That in itself is another stressful situation, but oh my god we're not even going to go there with that.

So yeah, I'm pretty scared. But more than anything, I'm scared because even after everything: After choosing Stefan, dying, turning into a vampire, being sired to Damon, Jeremy's death, turning the switch off and burning the house down, terrorizing (and even killing in one instance) people with my humanity turned off, there's one thing I can't bear to lose.

And that's Damon.

I know, I know. This should be old news. Secretly, even when I was sired to Damon, I wondered whether or not I would still love Damon as much as I did when I turned. Admittedly, everything with Damon was so much more..._ Intense_, after I turned. Things were intense before, but man, this was different. Everything in my world revolved around him.

But now the switch is back on and the sire bond is broken and I still love him. I love him, and that scares the hell out of me.

It means the possibility of losing someone that I love more than myself, _again_. I lost my brother, which was hard enough. But Damon is _everything_. Damon is darkness and lightness and faith and hope and fear and love and beauty and truth and hate and my heart. Damon is my heart, and I can live without him,

but I sure as hell don't want to.

Which has brought me to this bar to collect myself. In the midst of this tragedy, Stefan is still waiting for me to confirm what he already knows: that I'm not in love with him anymore. I haven't been in a long time, even _before_ I was turned. I tried to salvage our relationship because I did love him, but now it's more like... I love him like family.

Loving Damon is something altogether different. It's all-consuming. When I'm with him, it doesn't matter if it's the end of the world. It doesn't matter if I just turned into a vampire, or the ugliest beast. It doesn't matter if I'm human or monster or sired or unsired. He loves me, unconditionally, and what I've failed to realize is I love him the same way. He makes me feel so alive.

I take another sip of my bourbon and the feeling in my stomach isn't going away. I'm scared, and there's only one thing I want to be doing. Why did I come here? It's going to be the end of the world. If it really does end this time and we're all dead, I shouldn't be trying to hide away from the truth. I should embrace it. Fuck everything and everyone else.

There's only one thing I need right now, and it's him.

The bartender walks toward me, and he's a sweet looking guy. Brown matted hair, brown eyes and tan skin. "Is there anything else I can get you, pretty lady?"

I hesitate to roll my eyes. "No thanks. I'm heading out. Here's the money; keep the change."

The bartender looks at me, confused. "Leaving so soon?"

I smile at him. "Yeah. I think it's time to go and face my demons. Turns out, sometimes we humans make things more complicated than they need to be."

He smiles back. "Alright. Want me to call you a cab?"

Time to use my compulsion. "No, that won't be necessary."

"No, I guess that's not necessary, ma'am. Have a good evening."

And with that I'm off; to the only place I should have been in the first place.

* * *

I pull up to the boarding house, and there's only one car in the driveway: Damon's.

Perfect. I didn't want to just walk past Stefan and say, "Sorry, I love Damon now. Oops. Go deal with that because I need to be with him". It's kind of cruel, and he deserves more than that. He did just deal with a lot of crap to help me turn my emotions back on.

I walk up to the door, but before I can open it, Damon's standing there. He looks pissed. His beautiful blue eyes are full of fire, and his arms are crossed against his chest and his hands are balled into fists. If I wasn't so scared, I'd probably have him against twenty different surfaces by now.

"Elena. Where. The hell. Have you _been_." Damon practically spits.

I look up at him and I hope he can see the fear in my eyes. I need him to not be mad at me. I need this to just be him and me against the world for a while.

"Damon, I'm _scared_." I finally say, and his eyes soften. He doesn't want to be nice to me right now. I see it in the way he's tightening his jaw again. But I can't right now. "Please, Damon." I beg. I reach out to touch his face, and run my hand along his hardened jaw. "I need you."

Damon completely softens at this, and he stares down at me for a second. Rolling his eyes and sighing, he opens the door for me. "Come in, then. I'm not in any rush to go deal with whatever Silas is plotting right now."

I rush in the house but I wait patiently for him to close the door and turn back to me. Once he does, I throw my hands around him and we're against the door again. He makes an "oof" sound, but hesitatingly puts his arms around me, as well.

I sigh happily against his body, even though he's still stiff. This is what I've been needing. I've been needing him, all of him, and I don't know why I've wasted so much time thinking anything else.

He starts to pull away from me, but I hold to him tighter. "No, Damon. Please. Just hold me."

Damon sighs. "Okay, okay. Fine."

It's quiet for a moment, and I listen to his faint heartbeat. I let my hands wander from his neck, to his shoulders, and down his arms. I let my hands travel to his chest, and I pull away just enough so I can see his face. He's looking at me confused, but mostly broken. He thinks I don't love him. He thinks I'm going to tell him my love was just a side effect of the sire bond, and that this is it for us. I'm scared, but he's scared too. I should have known he'd be beating himself up about this stupid ass sire bond.

I search the rest of his face and he searches mine. I look at him with all the words I don't know how to say. I hope the look on my face is one of adoration, because that's what I'm feeling right now. I feel adored. I feel loved. I feel whole.

I reach a hand up and trace his cheek with my fingers. "I'm sorry I disappeared."

Damon smirks. "It's fine. Better that you're physically vacant this time instead of emotionally. Who knew deep down you were such a _bitch_."

"Shut_ up_!" I laugh, playfully hitting his chest. "You were the one who told me to turn my emotions off in the first place!"

Damon completely stiffens, and I know I've said the wrong thing. Oh shit. He starts to pull away from me, and I panic.

"No, Damon, I'm sorry. It was a joke, I didn't mean-"

Damon cuts me off. "It doesn't matter, Elena. It's the truth. I did tell you to turn your emotions off."

He won't meet my gaze. He walks over to his liquor cabinet and gets out his famous bourbon, pouring himself a glass and sitting down on the couch in front of the fireplace. I walk over and sit next to him, watching him brood into the fire.

"Damon, I don't blame you for that. What other choice did you have? You did what you thought was right." He looks at me now, his face void of emotion. I touch his shoulder, and he flinches. "I can't be mad at you for that."

He laughs, but it's a menacing laugh. "What can you be mad at me for, then? What else is going through your head about me, hmm, Elena?"

I resist the urge to scream. He really doesn't get it.

"Damon, I'm not mad at you at all! Don't you know that? I left for hours because I was scared. While I was gone, I realized what I was scared of, and that's _you_. It's how I feel about you, Damon! It's the fact that we're all about to die, and all I want to do is be here with you. I don't care about anyone else. All I want, all I ever need, is _you."_

Damon looks at me with eyes full of surprise and hope. "So it wasn't the sire bond?"

I roll my eyes at him. "No, you idiot. It wasn't. It never was. I've been in love with you for so long. I can't pinpoint when it happened, but it happened and I'm not sorry about it. I love you, Damon. It's always been you. It always will be, _only_ you."

Damon is across the couch in less than a second, and his mouth is on mine, and it's beautiful.

He is dark and I am light, and I am ice and he is fire, and he's melting me to him. As we move together, we forget about the rest of the world, and it's problems. All that matters is each other, and each other's love, and when we join for the first time without any extenuating circumstances, we both realize this is all we'll ever need.

When we're together, we can accomplish anything. As long as we're together, we'll always survive.


End file.
